I got a comment – it was spam

I received a comment on my last post. It got dumped straight into my spam folder but I thought I’d have a look anyway. I wasn’t going to approve the comment, but I thought I’d send a reply to the e-mail address supplied – it made me feel better at least. Here it is:

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Hi Nicole,

I would like to reply to your comment left on my blog which I have included for reference:

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. WordPress Seo Plugin” [link deactivated on purpose for posting to blog]

There are several problems I have with this unsolicited advertising:

  1. Hello Web Admin” – I am not a web admin, I am a blogger using a basic WordPress layout.
  2. I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing…” – Your opening sentence contains a basic grammatical error (repetition of the word “is”), probably put there to make this automated comment appear to be written especially for me. If this had been personally written for me then, apart from being addressed to me, rather than “Web Admin”, you would have also proof-read the message to ensure errors like this are not made. It gives a VERY bad impression and would put most people off dealing with you straight away – thereby undermining your entire advertising campaign.
  3. …also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization.” – You are perfectly right on this one, because I don’t want to use bold or italics for SEO optimization. I want to use them for emphasis and therefore use them as they were intended to be used!
  4. There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword” – There are 2 links in the post you commented on linking within my site and a huge picture in the middle of it with my name on the alt tag. I can’t really see any reason to search for my blog other than by my name so the advice you are giving me is stuff I’m already doing. I’m beginning to think you didn’t even read my blog post.
  5. just watch this 4minute video for more information at. WordPress Seo Plugin” [link deactivated on purpose for posting to blog] – Oh, you want me to visit your site (probably full of loads more advertising that is not relevant to me) and watch a video… Why didn’t you just ask me to do that in the first place?! I wont, and I still wouldn’t had you asked right out, but it could have saved my time reading all that drivel about SEO.
  6. Type in paragraphs. It makes it easier for people to read and understand.
  7. Don’t keep repeating SEO and On-Page SEO if you are not going to explain what it actually is – Search Engine Optimization.
  8. This is a personal blog and I don’t care about getting people to view my trifle of a site unless they are either a] friends / family, b] interested in hiring me as an actor, comedian, technician or writer, c] have worked with me in any of the formerly mentioned capacities in the past. In all three cases there would be no particular need of viewing my blog unless there had previously been some real world contact. If anybody else wants to stumble across my site and read, that’s up to them.
  9. The only thing I would want people to be able to search for to find my site is my name. This is in the URL, in the page name, in the page title, marked as author of all material (bar comments) published on the site and features repeatedly on my contact page. As I have a rather rare spelling of my first name, searching for my name gives links to information about me in 8 of the top ten results on Google – the first being the blog you commented on.

So as you can see, your advertising is flawed, I have no need of your services and if you had actually looked at the page rather than spamming my comments you would have seen that my SEO if already in place without me even trying.

Kindly fuck off and stop sending out this utter tripe.

Jimm Rennie
(Google me, you’ll find my blog – you’ll also find I deleted your comment!)

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And if there is a real person receiving that e-mail and they check out the blog, they’ll now find I’ve published the e-mail I sent them. I can be a bit of a git sometimes.


2 Comments on “I got a comment – it was spam”

  1. Good work sir. At the very least it made me chuckle, so some constructive purpose has been served. :)

  2. Jimm Rennie says:

    A new – automatically flagged as spam – comment on this blog post:

    “I just want to say I’m newbie to blogs and really liked your blog site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your website . You absolutely have fantastic articles and reviews. Regards for revealing your webpage.” – Rhett Costenive

    What articles? I just blabber on about my life.
    What reviews? The closest I’ve come to a review is pointless personal opinions on this year’s 6 Nations rugby.
    What revelation? Seriously, I haven’t tried anything to ‘reveal’ my webpage.
    Feel free to bookmark my blog if you want, gentle spammer, but I doubt I’ll hear from you again without it being some annoying advert for services I do not require. To find out how I feel about this sort of advertising through comments, please read the post you commented on.

    I of course will remove this sarcastic response to your comment if you can prove to me that you are actually a real person, interested in my goings on. Feel free to comment on another of my posts with something relevant to the content – not just generic “Hey, this is goods, yep?!” remarks on a 3-week old rant.

    Having said that, I don’t think you are a true newbie to blogging as a quick google search of your name reveals that you post almost identical comments on loads of blogs (over a rather disparate range of topics – and those are just the ones that don’t get deleted as spam!). The oldest on the first page of results is 26th March 2012. If you spent more time posting to your blog than putting pointless comments on other people’s then you won’t be such a newbie any more!


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